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coolqadir · #1 11-17-2008, 07:48 AM

By Sidrah Haque

Day 1, 1pm

Woke up early today, practised my pout for a mere 40 minutes. I know I need to start taking myself more seriously. Looking pretty is work, you know.

Day 2, 8pm

There was a musician convention today to discuss ‘national security’ and stuff. “Honey,” I told the singer next to me, “national security is me not getting greasy skin.” Atif agreed. Gosh, what a drab group of artistes we have, ranting about some bloody war going on along some border...I think with India. Had more important things on mind, such as the manicure appointment I was missing out on. Rock stars of Lahoreso scruffy. Like, has NO one heard of Vitamin A-enhanced root condition? Sheesh!

I am the prettiest. Fact.

Day 3, 4pm

Stayed in today. The lack of concerts is affecting me on a deep, psycho-ish level, I keep telling my manager. He kept going on about that same bloody war. Hmmm. Maybe I should, like, read a newspaper and catch up. Maybe. Pout practice time!

Still pretty.

Day 4, 1am

Watched the news. All confusing stuff — I don’t get most of it. Just a bunch of hairy men making a lot of noise and shooting each other in the tribal areas. In other news, I caught the new Jal video. Sheesh, what is up with them rolling up their jeans all the time? Boys, stop trying. Rolled-up jeans aren’t going to happen. Really!

Prettier than the Jal boys.

Day 5, 7pm

I am so devastated. Just saw a stray dog outside. It was hurt and dirty. Cried a bit before making sure the chowkidar shooed it off the lawn. Don’t like yellow poopy spots on my nice grass, see. But this has affected me on a deep, meaningful level. We should, like, think of those less fortunate than us. Like rickshaw drivers and stuff. I wrote a small poem to express my feelings:

Have you ever stopped to think;
Why sadness never shrinks;
It grows like an untreated spot;
Or a grey hair that never gets caught.
It pains me when I sit and wonder;
About stuff like dandruff and, you know, hunger;
Who will take care of the animals that stumble;
Whose way of living is pretty humble;
No one to pet, no one to cuddle;
Peeing and drinking from the same puddle.
What a selfish race we have become;
Like the perfect television make-up…come undone.
P.S: Still pretty. Go me!

Day 6, 8pm

Went to an album launch today. Mobbed by fans, the miserable runts. Sorry, cranky today. Photo shoot earlier went terrible. Bloody female model trying to steal my spotlight. Whatevs, biatch. Am prettiest, everyone knows that.

“The lack of concerts are affecting me on a deep, psycho-ish level, I keep telling my manager. He kept going on about that same bloody war. Hmm. Maybe I should like, read a newspaper and catch up. Maybe.” — Self-assured pop star

Day 7, 5pm

Just caught Ali’s new video. Lol, he’s trying to bring the whole overcoat thing back again. How cute. Everyone knows overcoats are about as “right” as Annie’s hair. It’s all about the vests, honey. Ya’ thinks?

Am prettier than Annie and Ali put together.

Day 8, 3pm

Sheesh. My mom is SO embarrassing. She fell in love trying on this blue swarovski-crystal-embroidered chiffon kameez-pajama ensemble that was delivered to the house this morning.

Obviously, it was mine. She does this all the time now. Am getting sick of it.

Oh well. I guess this just means my good taste has no boundaries. Go me!

Day 9, 3am

My manager showed me a picture of Sarah Palin today. I think she’s some sort of president of America. I dunno. Didn’t pay too much attention. It’s hard to think of others when you’ve got a bad hair day. Manager has a crush on her, saying the whole world is going ga-ga over her. Whatevs. Am much prettier. And glasses, eww. Who’d wanna wear those? People with ugly noses — that’s who. OUCH!

Have a petite, symmetrical nose. Much prettier than Palin’s.

Day 10, 11pm

I don’t understand why the world is so obsessed with what’s going on in the tribal region. I mean, seriously. It’s not like it’s even a part of Pakistan, right? Aren’t the tribal areas, like, a part of neighbouring Iraq? Or something? Sheesh, ob-SES-sed!

Prettier than all news show hosts combined.

Day 11, 1am

Had a recording for a call-in show today. Everyone called in to say I’m pretty, of course. Had fun. No one called in to say the hostess was pretty. Lol. I mean, like that’s ever gonna happen when I’m around. Poor her. Made the manager send her some flowers. I know, I’m such a nice guy.

Day 12, 10pm

Watched Shehzad’s new video today. Hmm. Everyone loves it, even those damn insatiable critics. I don’t get it. It’s not even pretty, but they love it. I mean, there weren’t even any dancing girls in the background. Sheesh. “Art” videos. I just don’t get them.

Still the prettiest!

Writer’s note: Inspired by Cassandra Claire’s VSD series, and the wonderful self-assured pop stars of the country.

(Source:Poparazzi: The secret blog of a self-assured pop star -DAWN Images; October 19, 2008)
October 19,2008

coolqadir · #2 11-17-2008, 07:50 AM

Day 1, 9am
Was up at an ungodly hour today. 8am! Sheesh, who does that anymore? Sad people, that’s who. The little brother needed a lift to school. Said no to the little bugger, until he brought up the mysterious bag of “chalk” he found in my drawer. God, I’m never having kids!

Day 2, 1pm
I’m too choked up to write anything today. This world has left me bitter and horrified. It’s as if all the negative forces of karma and stuff have to act against me. They have to. What a horrible cruel world.

Yes, you guessed it. I don’t have one but TWO zits today.

Day 5, 8pm
SCORE! Have my old, pretty face back. Zitless and glowing! Thank you exfoliants! Rubbed in tenderly by a squad of thin Indonesian workers at Nadia’s. She always has the best immigrant labour. What a holy woman!

Day 6, 1am
Listening to: When I Grow Up — Pussycat Dolls

The PCD rock! Besides the obvious, they sing from the soul baby, they sing from the SOUL!

Day 7, 10pm
Just got back from the theatre. Manager was on my case to watch the new Batman flick for ages. Agreed because I secretly wanted to revisit the poster of me DHA has up. Gosh, I totally PWN! I mean there’s pretty, then THERE’S PRETTY!

Anyway, the movie didn’t make much sense to me. Too loud, too dark, not enough women. Sheesh. And let’s not even talk about the make-up on that clown. What was his deal anyway? Damn art movies. I just don’t get them.

Day 8, 2 pm
Oh my god, Oh my god!

I think I found my long lost brother today. And he just might be as pretty as me.

Chuck Bass, wherever you are, I’m coming brother! I’m coming!

Day 9, 2 pm
Just watched old episodes of Johnny Bravo. Sigh. My childhood hero. Life was so simple back then. No grown-up worries such as acne, and the constant search for the perfect deep-root conditioner. Seriously though, good conditioner is like the holy grail hunt. Switched to the news channel for a bit. Still that damn war and lots of hairy men. They’re very loud, aren’t they? And wait, now who is this Barack Obama guy? What films has he done?

3 pm
Er, okay. Asked manager about Barack Obama, and I don’t know, must’ve been the connection, but his line dropped. His phone was off after that. Must’ve been the signals.

Was going to google this Obama boy, but that’s just gay. Went ahead and googled myself instead.

You know, I hate to say it, but damn. Day-yem. I got it from my mama!

Day 10, 2 pm
Went to the studio to record a new song today. Left it in a huff. The damn engineer kept on pointing out that I was off-pitch. Off-pitch, eh? You only became an engineer 20 years ago, I shouted back, while I was born in the womb singing and looking pretty. The look of shock on his face said it all.

You don’t mess with me. This pretty face can do a lot more than just be baby soft, punk.

Day 11, 6pm
Caught the new Zeb and Haniya video. Thank god we’re returning to the good old girl-boy-dance basics. None of the deeper stuff that makes no sense. Should call up the girls to congratulate them.

7 pm
Damn these cellphone connections. Called Zeb. I think she uses the same connection the manager does. Her phone’s off now. Hmm.

Day 12, 1 pm
Went bowling today. Wanted to see how the common man lives. Did badly. And kept getting hounded by damn fans. Sheesh. The nasty runts just want, want, want. But I’m a sweet guy. Just smiled and gritted my teeth about it.

Day 13, 6pm
Was the manager’s birthday today. Gave him a batch of my favorite hair conditioner. “To tenderly cure that dry scalp” I scribbled on the note. Hmm. He wasn’t too excited. Some people are like that. Ungrateful!

Day 14, 8pm
Sarah Palin is HOT-T-T! She should TOTALLY be the American President! She’d be way better than that Condi-chick. I mean seriously. Condi-chick is the worse president.

Day 15, 9pm
The cook burned the dinner today. Had to eat old, cold, salan out of the fridge. I’m a simple man with simple needs.

(Did fire him though)

Day 16, 9pm
LSA is totally happening! I love award shows. You know, the fair ones, in which I win. My item number will totally blow Atif’s head off, the jealous little runt. Life is beautiful!

Writers Note: Inspired by Cassandra Claire’s VSD series, and the wonderful self-assured pop stars of the country.

(Source : POPARAZZI: The Chronicle Continues... THE VERY SECRET BLOG OF A SELF-ASSURED POP STAR -DAWN Images; November 02, 2008 )

coolqadir · #3 11-17-2008, 07:54 AM

Day 1, 2 pm
Hell’s yeah, imma star, biatch!

New video out! Have blown up screenshots and put them around the house, in ‘new video’ tradition. You know me, a traditional man.

I admit, I did give the director a few funny looks when he mentioned there would be no dancing. He kept going on about the bleak conditions in the country. I think he was talking about the foreign exchange rates. Tell me about it. My moisturising product bills? Hurt.

In the new video, I play a common-man gangster getting uppity on the streets of Karachi. I know, totally fictitious. Wild imagination, these directors. It also had movie script stuff like shootings and road theft. Lol. How cute!

To remind people about the uber-holiness that is the new video, I’ve been prancing about the last few days with eyeliner on. I feel gritty and salt-of-the-earth. And have slightly watery eyes.

But who cares! Dood, I’m from the streets, yo! G-g-g-g-g Unit!

Day 2, 8 pm
LSA was a joke. Decided to give it the pass. Too pretty to mire away in petty politics. But when you give Atif six songs and me just three, you don’t deserve me.

Day 3, 1pm
Manager giving me lip. Don’t get what all the fuss is about. I mean, all I asked him to do was to write my “official” blog for me. I’m a busy man for god’s sake. I’ve got pedicure appointments to keep up with. Nails aren’t going to pretty up on their own, you know. He kept on mumbling the word “inte-grity” under his breath. Hmm. I think he was talking about my eyeliner.

3pm

Got him to write a post for me, the little git. Don’t understand half the words he used, though. Wonder what he meant by the word “thesaurus”. Will google it. Sense a bit of insult in that word, though. Phish. Damn servants. They jump all over you when you give a bit of leash.

Day 4, 2pm
DAMN! Sarah Palin lost the presidential election! Uggh. DAMN. This is just the suffering us pretty people of the world have to go through. For shame. And after I could understand and relate to everything she said!

Update: Manager tells me she was running for vice-presidency. I don’t know what that is, but it sounds way cooler than the presidency. Vice means sin, right? Damn you, America!

Day 5, 1am
Visited a new music producer today. He was obviously a gora in desi garbs. Damn these goras and their love for “going native”. Hate it when they always want to get to know more than just the sufi malang stuff we have to “offer”. How irritating.

This gora spoke impeccable Urdu. He even had a TMA award on a mantle. Asked him if he’s been at the music stuff for long. At which he laughed and mentioned something about “vital signs”. I think he was making a joke about the Balochistan earthquake. You know, we really shouldn’t make fun about stuff like that. Snob.

Day 6, 11pm
What a slow day. Pampered myself with my favourite apricot face mask made with my own hands. Yes, I know: I’m a sensitive beast. I think everyone should do more of their own work around the house. Also, because I fired the cook who usually makes them. Damn servants.

Realised today that winters are setting in. Meaning, very little prospects of revealing my well-toned biceps in the next few months. Very disappointed. But life is hard, you know, but you learn to go with the flow. Practiced my eyeliner strokes for two hours instead. Am getting quite good at it now.

Day 7, 5pm
Was called a “narcissus” today. Yelled back that I’m anything but a damn sissy. Think I should cut back on the eyeliner though, just in case.

Day 8, 8pm
I hear the Kaavish boys have disbanded. For shame. Those boys had the best locks in town. After me, of course. Perhaps now they’ll be nice enough to answer when I ask what hair product they use instead of laughing. Selfish punks.

Day 9, 11pm
Watched more news today. Beginning to think they make half of those things up. They keep on talking about “air strikes” on the border. All lies. I live in a city right next to the border and I don’t hear anything. Except that obnoxious ice-cream vendor.

Day 10, 2am
YES! Lauren and Heidi are TOTALLY friends again! That punk Spencer should die in his own vomit. What a self-obsessed pretty-boy runt!

Hmm. That line sounds very familiar… now who have I heard that from before?

Day 11, 1pm
Did some heavy reading. Instep Today. Wow! I never knew that Salman Khan nearly drove to Shah Rukh Khan’s birthday party because all of Salman’s friend were invited, and even though he wasn’t he totally wanted to go and patch things up with SRK and walk in, but didn’t because there was paparazzi at the front entrance. Who’da thunk? Instep Today should totally go national.

Writer’s Note: Inspired by Cassandra Claire’s VSD series, and the wonderful self-assured pop stars of the country.

(Source : POP ARAZZI:: The Very Secret Blog Of A Self-Assured Pop Star -DAWN Images; November 16, 2008 )

danger89 · #4 11-17-2008, 08:23 AM

what is this i didnt get it?

Manikaka · #5 11-17-2008, 06:55 PM

kids these days... have tooo much time on their hand.. typical wana be rockstar... story!