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Indian cricket team - more cricket jokes.
DIVORCE COURT SCENE :
The Judge (J.) asks the little girl (LG):
Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live
with your mummy?
LG - No, my mummy beats me.
J. - Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
LG - No, my daddy beats me too.
J. - Well then, who do you want to live with?
LG - I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they never beat anybody !!!
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Ishant Sharma was struggling with his bowling vs West Indies in this T20 cup, so Dhnoi walked up to have a talk with him. "I've figured out your problem," he told Ishant. "You always lose control at the same point in every game." "When is that?" "Right after the National Anthem."
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Q: Why did the Gary Kirsten give Indian team team lighters?
A: They kept losing their matches.
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After the shameful exit of Indian cricket team in the T20 WC Super 8 stage, the Indian team members were not able to show their faces to people openly and they chose rather just to pack up in hotel rooms in Mumbai.
Dhoni could not resist for too long to be in Mumbai and still not be
able to go out shopping and have fun. So he disguises himself as a
Sardar and goes out. he meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him "Hi Dhoni!"
Surprised for having been caught he comes back and
makes himself up as a muslim woman - in Burkha etc and goes out. Yet same again - the same woman greets him "Hi Dhoni!".
Dhoni comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. All in vain
- the same lady catches him again and greets him "Hi Dhoni!".
Bewildered by now, he could not help asking,
"How did you recognize me?"
The lady replied - "I am Yuvraj the Bhangra Machine!"
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Q : How is the Indian cricket team like a possum?
A : They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
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Q: Why is BCCI is replacing the cricket pitches in their stadiums with cardboard?
A: The team looks better on paper.
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Q: what is the difference between an indian fielder and a condom?
A: one drops a catch and other catches a drop
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Q: Where do Indian Batsman perform their best?
A: In Advertisments.
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Q: What is the difference between Indian Cricket Team and a tea bag?
A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
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Why do Indian babies cry and complain all the time?
They are practicing how to become Indian cricketers when they grow up.
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What is the difference between batteries and Indian cricketers?
Batteries have a positive side.
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How do you force Indian cricketers to run between wickets?
You place food on either end or tell them to do Bhangra...
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Q. What do Dhoni and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason.
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Pretti Zinta: Yuvraj cost me one million $. I call him our wonder player.
Shahrukh Khan: Why's that?
Pretti Zinta: Every time he plays for Kings XI, I wonder why I bothered to buy him!
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Sharad Pawar: 12 teams in the T20 WC and you lot finish bottom?
Dhoni: Well, it could have been worse.
Sharad Pawar: How?
Dhoni: There could have been more teams in the WC!
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Today, team India arrives at Mumbai airport fresh from their performance in T20. At the airport, a journalist stops Dhoni;
Reporter: Is your bad performance due to ignorance or apathy?
Dhoni: I don't know and I don't care!
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How Indian players are spending their time after getting knocked out..
-Singing “It’s never a right time to say goodbye..” on the streets of London. Get convicted for noise pollution and deported to...
-Sudan, where they spend one month before sneaking back to India in fruit containers.
-Reading “T20 for Dummies” when they are not busy taking lessons in T20 from the English. No kidding.
-Pressuring Ambani to terminate Bravo’s IPL contract.
-Thinking about firing the coach and the captain. It’s a cricketing tradition after all.
-Arranging a charity match with Bangladesh, fighting for the 8th place in the tournament. All the proceedings go towards getting the Indian players back home. Safely.
-Support any team vs Pakistan. At least India’s WC record vs Pakistan is still intact!!
-Reminiscing days when everything was good and rocks were not being pelted on their houses.
-Singing Queen’s “We Are The Champions” but in the past tense: “We Were the Champions”
And finally...
-Group Shower as an ‘act of unity’
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Ravi had bought tickets to all three T20 games India played in Super-8 stage for him and his wife. After Indian losses to Eng and WI, Ravi was so p1$$ed, that he tried to sell their tickets for Ind vs South Africa match but nobody would buy them.
He tried to give those tickets away free to his friends and relatives but nobody was interested. While parking at a mall in Southall, he decided to leave the tickets under his windshield wiper. Hoping somebody would take free tickets.
"And that worked?" His wife asked.
"Not exactly," said Ravi. "I returned to find six more tickets to the same match."
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What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Indian Innings.
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When would Agarkar have 100 runs against his name?
When he is bowling.
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What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Indian batsmen?
The walk back to the pavilion.
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How do you increase the chances of the Indian batsmen playing out the entire 50 overs?
Try giving them two innings to begin with, then try three and so on.
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What is the Indian version of a hat-trick?
3 runs in 3 balls
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What is the height of optimism ?
Gambhir coming out to bat applying sunscreen on his face.
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SEHWAG's SON: Mummy mummy !! dekho papa six pe six mar rahe hain (Mummy mummy !! Look! Daddy is hitting six after six )
SEHWAG's WIFE: Beta theek se dekho, advertisement hoga ( Come on, son….that must be an advertisement)
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Finally my fav:
... Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers "241."
"That is wonderful!," says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!"
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" To which the lady answers, "144."
"That is great!," responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"
Albert goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "51."
Albert responds, "Hey, sorry to hear about Indian team's early exit from T20 World Cup? How are you fans taking the loss?"
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